Jealousy

I love my life in Japan...  I love living here.  I love the culture and amazing people, the food, and this beautiful, tiny island.  I have 2 church homes and amazing friends,  but I miss my family.  I miss being just a 6 hour drive or 40 minute plane ride from my very favorite people outside the ones who live in my home.  And now we have baby 2 on the way.  And I get insanely jealous and have a little heartache knowing my parents won't be there for the birth.  In fact, the only family that will be at the birth will be the one we've created here.  I love my Okinawa family-- they mean the world to me, but they aren't going to have that same look of unconditional, forever love that my parents had when they first held K.
Oh and that jealousy.  That ugly, dark envious feeling when I think of my friends back home who see their family regularly.  Who have big baby showers and big weddings.  Who have roots and permanent homes.  Who can decorate a baby's room with intentions of that child growing into that room.  Who have a simple, easy answer to "where are you from?"
Reality smacks me upside the head.  How dare I belittle my life?  My fun, exciting life that is spent overseas, living out someone else's dream... belittling what I do have-- my health, my beautiful, wonderful child, and a husband who goes to hell and back for me-- because I don't have something else.  Forgetting that I am able to have a child when my heart aches for my friend who has to rely on medicine for a mere chance at conceiving.  How ungrateful am I?
But it's there.  That green monster rears its ugly head and overshadows my blessings and my truths.
My husband is incredible and supportive and a good man and more than I could ask for as the father of my children.  He tries to bridge that gap.  Talked about flying my parents here, but forgot that K was an emergency c-section and likely this child will be, too.  Forgot that even if I actually am afforded the opportunity to labor and my parents left immediately they would only be halfway across the ocean by the time baby is born...
It's the life of a military wife.  I am growing more and more weary of this out-of-my-control life.  I know that outside-looking-in it looks like I am strong and independent, but I'm not brave enough to put on that face.  My heart aches and waits for that day I have a permanent home.