A person's a person, no matter how small.
You know how when you're speaking of general societal 'rules' that those rules are governed by "they?" They say you should wait until you're in your second trimester before you announce a pregnancy. Well, they, I disagree. I will not be paying much attention to the 'rules' anymore.
I think if I wait to tell people about another pregnancy (if that ever happens again) then I will be living in fear. I will be waiting for what they say to come true. I am done living in fear.
What makes me most upset about having followed the rules set by the anonymous they is that
I had a baby and I lost it before I even got to tell anyone about that wonderful little life. Thanks, they. I didn't get to celebrate every day that miracle lived and grew in me. My (extended) family and friends didn't get to love that little person like they would have if I'd only carried a little longer to make that silly 'you can make it official date'. (As if a loss is any less 'official' before the second trimester). My family and friends couldn't truly mourn because they hadn't even known about this little person. We all lost.
And if I hadn't told anyone at all about the miscarriage? People probably wouldn't have understood the moodiness or the anxiety. People wouldn't have been as patient and kind. Friends and family wouldn't have reached out and said, "me too." The "they" that mattered were there for me. They shared my pain. They made my burden lighter. And if anyone ever finds themselves where I was they will know I understand. Then maybe they won't feel alone. And I would hope they could turn to me and be wrapped in the same comfort and love I was given by others who had gone through it.
Life, all life, truly is a gift and a miracle. And every day should be celebrated. They seem to take that for granted. So, if there ever is a next time I'm going to celebrate. I'm going to live on faith. I'm going to make it a big deal. Because life (no matter how small) is a big deal.
And if God decides to call that child home I will praise Him through another storm.
This is great! I agree 100%, anyone worth telling you're going to talk about it with anyways. I hope all is well, and I miss you. I'm glad that you're feeling better!
ReplyDeleteOh, sweet Leah. This gave me chills. The loss of a child growing inside you is one of the hardest things to grieve. Your body is still 'pregnant' and you go from completely elated to completely deflated in a matter of seconds. I just went to a baby shower this weekend for my sister-n-law who is due at the end of October; however, she has had quite a complicated pregnancy and they are taking the baby via c-section 4 weeks early. Her best friend was sitting next to me with her beautiful baby girl, now 3 months old. She had miscarried prior to her baby girl being born and it was as always, devastating. Seeing her snuggling her little girl reaffirmed that God is good and sent another angel to her. I think of you specifically as I write this. You will always remember the child God took back with Him; however, you will love that next baby with all your heart as well. Sending prayers to you as you go through this journey again. Relax, as best as you can, and trust in God.
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