Wonder babies

Lately I've been thinking about how my doctors told me** I wouldn't get pregnant and if I did I'd likely miscarry and if I was actually pregnant then I would go into preterm labor. Well, with K I did go into preterm labor, so they were right on 1 of the 3 predictions. Even after I had K my new OBGYN looked at my medical record, did the physical exam, and then called K a 'miracle baby.'
After our miscarriage I've been beginning to wonder if the doctors are right and K really is my miracle baby. I wonder if she'll be our only child. It makes me sad to think that if I do have any more children K will be 3 before she has a sibling.
If she really is going to be my only child it makes me wonder how many other 'miracles' I have that I take for granted. I definitely didn't know that's what I was experiencing when I was pregnant with K. I'd like to think I've grown a little wiser and cherish her even more now (didn't know that was even possible).
This definitely wasn't how I envisioned her growing up. I used to say I wanted four kids. Now that I know how much work children are I don't know what I want. My heart still aches when I think of our loss-- who she (I dreamt our baby was a girl) was, how much K would have loved her, how much Mr and I love and miss our baby. I wish our baby was still safely growing, comforted by the sound of my heart and sway of my movements...
I put my faith in God and His plan. He will decide if I get any more 'miracle babies.' (And as Mr points out-- aren't all children miracles, really?) God is good and will see me through. And in the meantime He is my comfort.


** when i was 17 i had intense cramping pain and went to the doctor. After an internal ultrasound they determined I had a large cyst that had burst (yay PCOS). Also during the exam they discovered that I have a septate uterus and that means increased risk of miscarriage (70-90%) and high risk pregnancies.