...

You probably shouldn't/ don't want to read this.

I have all these negative feelings I am so over with feeling.  I don't understand how people who truly have crises deal with it-- like people who have severely sick children, or deal with the untimely/unfair loss of a loved one, or traumas.  I've only been dealing with this Japan mess for ... going on 4 months?  and I am so, completely over it.
I just want an answer.  I want to know where I am living in two weeks.
I have had several people ask me, "Wouldn't it be worth it to just say 'forget it' and stay here for the year?"  and I wonder how they can even ask that.  Why would I willingly separate my daughter from her father if I can avoid it?  My family comes first.  Even if it means I have to be stressed out like this while not knowing the answer because there's always the 'what if'.  What if they come back and say we can go as a family? Then I am hoping all of this will have been worth it.

But.  There is a part of me that wonders if I fight too much.  I pushed for us to live in this apartment and now it has come back to bite me.  hard.  and it sucks.
Fighting the Navy's decision has taken a physical toll on me.  I feel like I've physically aged.  I've been physically sick-- I thought the first time I had food poisoning, by the second time I realized what it really was...  I feel like I haven't been a very good mom to K.  I know she picks up on my anxiety....

Part of being an adult is standing for what you believe is best and doing everything it takes to do what is right for your family... right?  At what cost?  When is it enough already?