My! People Come and Go So Quickly Here!

So... It's been a while since I've posted.  It's because I have been very, very busy.  My life changed on a dime (again)  Here's how I've spent the last 10 days:

Monday, April 2: Woke up for the day feeling pretty peaceful and full of energy, but not knowing what was happening with my life.  By afternoon that peace had faded away and I was feeling pretty anxious, so I called my aunt Kathy (she's pretty good at calming me down and putting me back on track).  I was trying really hard to handle all of the unknown (and subsequent anxiety) over to God, but I really, really struggle with being a teensie bit of a control-freak.  just slightly.  are you laughing yet?  Because we all know this is an understatement :)  Called Okinawa as soon as they opened, which was about 3:30 our time and they insisted they would inform us as soon as they had an answer.  By about 9pm my anxiety must've rubbed off on the Mr a bit, so he called them and they said I WAS CLEARED!  Going to Oki!

Tuesday, April 3:  The Mr called from work to tell me that the movers were coming on Monday the 9th.  Spent the day on the phone with my family and friends updating everyone (while doing a little bit around the house).

Wednesday, April 4: Holy cow the movers are coming in 6 days!  One problem: Stuff that had to be picked up by the movers was in my parent's garage.  This meant the Mr and/or I had to make a trip out to Phoenix and be back by monday.  The Mr (and I) decided it would probably be best if K and Addy weren't around for the chaos of the movers, so we decided to go to Phoenix on Friday and then K, Addy and I would stay in Phoenix until we left for Chicago on April 20th (we're flying out of Phoenix and my parents are watching addy while we're gone).  This meant that I now had wednesday, thursday, and some of friday to organize my home and pack for our trips to Chicago, Phoenix, and Japan.

I love that the Marine Corps has made me grow as an individual.  I never would have thought that I would have been capable of sorting through and organizing our entire home in 2 days.  With a toddler.  and a crazy dog.  But I did.  Kinda cool. I wasn't just throwing stuff in random places and saying 'it'll do', either. No, I had to organize e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.

Said goodbye to Phyllis.  Phyllis was our old neighbor and has been my family in San Diego.  She pulled me back on my feet.  She took care of me-- brought light to my darkness.  Literally.  We survived the Great San Diego Blackout together.  It was kind of fun.  I kid, but really, she took care of me and was so kind and generous.  I am plotting how I am going to kidnap her and make her be my neighbor in Japan.

Thursday, April 5:  Said goodbye to Cheri.  Cheri is another USMC wife whose husband has pcs orders and is moving to North Carolina.  Cheri is so kind and thoughtful and sweet.  She and her husband used to watch K or Addy for us and never asked for anything in return.  Her friendship meant a lot to me and I felt like I failed at showing her how much I appreciated her.  Unfortunately, it wasn't an ideal goodbye (I was racing out of our playdate to try to meet the moving estimator).  I cried.  It makes me sad that I likely won't ever see her again.

Friday, April 6:  Ran around like an idiot.  Had K watch tv all day (felt HUGE mommy guilt over this, btw) so I could pack and load the car.  Drove to Phoenix

Saturday, April 7: Emptied our cars of all the stuff we're going to sell at a garage sale and reloaded The Mr's car with all the stuff that had to go to San Diego.  Did like 8 loads of laundry.  Ran tons of errands  Saturday night was fun, though.  We hung out as a family, Jared's girlfriend came over for a bit while he was at a wedding.

Easter Sunday, April 8:  Went to church then everyone came to my parent's.  We had Mom, Dad, Sar, Me, The Mr., K, Gigi, Mary, Sean, Joselyn, Michael, Kathi, Jared, Katie, Ashley, Morgan, Nana and Papa over for dinner.  I love full houses and family time!  It fills up my love tank.  Missing stuffing, however, does not fill up my love tank.  (people at dinner know what I'm referring to).

Monday April 9:  Ran errands and kind of just hung around.  Pushed Addy into the pool.  She likes to swim once she gets in, but she really hesitates about jumping in.  K and I splashed around on the baja ledge.  She loves to kick and splash and watch Addy play!  OH!  K randomly started doing this thing where she raises her hands palms up when she says 'uh oh'. So cute!  I have no idea where she got it from, though.

Tuesday April 10: Played at the 'choo-choo' park.  Joselyn, K, and I tried to go down a curvy slide together.  Joselyn and I have matching plastic burns where the slide protested.  Fun morning!
It is so dry and hot out here!  It was 93 with 5% humidity.

Wednesday April 11:  Went shopping with K and Joselyn.  Decided it's super easy to have 2 kids when they're like 5 years apart and one of them is the most intelligent, mellow 6 yr ever.  Made me wonder when/ if we'll have another little one.  K LOVES Joselyn and I am so grateful for the time we've spent together.  Joselyn is incredible and truly a special little girl.

I have a lot to write about what happened on the military side of this move, but it really stresses me out, so I may post about that another day.  For now, I've written quite a book and it is time for bed.

...

You probably shouldn't/ don't want to read this.

I have all these negative feelings I am so over with feeling.  I don't understand how people who truly have crises deal with it-- like people who have severely sick children, or deal with the untimely/unfair loss of a loved one, or traumas.  I've only been dealing with this Japan mess for ... going on 4 months?  and I am so, completely over it.
I just want an answer.  I want to know where I am living in two weeks.
I have had several people ask me, "Wouldn't it be worth it to just say 'forget it' and stay here for the year?"  and I wonder how they can even ask that.  Why would I willingly separate my daughter from her father if I can avoid it?  My family comes first.  Even if it means I have to be stressed out like this while not knowing the answer because there's always the 'what if'.  What if they come back and say we can go as a family? Then I am hoping all of this will have been worth it.

But.  There is a part of me that wonders if I fight too much.  I pushed for us to live in this apartment and now it has come back to bite me.  hard.  and it sucks.
Fighting the Navy's decision has taken a physical toll on me.  I feel like I've physically aged.  I've been physically sick-- I thought the first time I had food poisoning, by the second time I realized what it really was...  I feel like I haven't been a very good mom to K.  I know she picks up on my anxiety....

Part of being an adult is standing for what you believe is best and doing everything it takes to do what is right for your family... right?  At what cost?  When is it enough already?